Getting to accept it not finished
by SilviaDee
Summary: What lies beneath is something Xena isn t expecting to face, is not skilled enough to fight


Two days after the episode about the ring power and the making up between Xena and the nord God.

Night. A small cave in a nord snow forest; a fire heats our two heroines. Cooking utensils and plates are cleaned and cleared away. Xena is seating on a rock focused on sharpening her sword, Gabrielle is leaning against the wall and it´s writing on a parchment.

Sharpening her sword allowed Xena to finally think about all that happened during this last year and in particular, during the last three days. She got to know what a different Xena, one without a past, one that didn´t have painful memories about loved ones lost, had chosen a life at a King´s side, whom didn´t love her nor respect her, but one king at whom she was grateful and loyal because he had saved her life; that a Xena without a heart full of resentment, without demons tormenting her in dreams every night, had chosen a life devoted to a kingdom and its people who had given her a home when she was lost and hopeless of finding her place in this world. Truth is that she felt something was missing, a piece of the puzzle that she should find no matter what and she felt that she wouldn´t find it at this king´s side and …..truth is that Gabrielle appearing suddenly and asking her to come back to her, made her feel the need to run away from the castle and leaving all behind, but this Xena didn´t choose the path of violence and war… and that made her feel better about herself. She was born with a great ability for fighting but without that attack to Amphipolis that cause the dead of her brother and the beginning of her fall in the darkness, Xena would have chosen a peaceful life surrounded by her family.

It was a long time since she had felt so "clean" inside for the last time. Even though she knew the atrocities committed by her army and her ambition were totally her responsibility, she thought that " that Xena" was the leaving prove that she wasn´t born condemned to be a monster and that her fate could have been totally different.

Gabrielle was leaning on a log writing. Xena felt happy about Gabrielle having her hair cut again; her eyes were highlighted by her hair that way. Ah!, Gabrielle.. the sight of her body lying surrounded by those eternal flames, waiting for that person that could awake her, was engraved in her mind. She hadn´t realized till that moment how deep her feelings for her Bard were. She knew Gabrielle had been her rock and her reason to be better everyday and had believed that her physical attraction was due to many moments of shared intimacy and during long terms of abstinence due to their travels, therefore, even being so difficult to control her lust sometimes, believed it was something not to take on account; but the last events have cause a turmoil of feelings , fears and joy; a whole year without Gabrielle by her side, leaving with a man that should love and claim to love her, had given her a new perspective about her feelings for her soul mate. Blind trust on one another no matter all the mistakes they had made, their mutual understanding just looking at each other, the way they touch when they bathed together…. Their relationship has developed into something more than friendship day by day, slowly….

Gods!,….. I shouldn´t think about her this way, I love her from the bottom of my soul, and that´s something I wasn´t sure I owned anymore. I must control my desire cause every passing moment made her physical need more demanding. Would she dare to tell Gabrielle someday that she preferred women the men and that travelling with her had made Xena being able to spend long periods without looking for somebody to pleasure her? Could her fingers ever caress that beautiful and sweet body of Gabrielle´s….. wait! Where did that come from! It hasn´t been so long this time!... Dammit, Gabrielle, stop biting your lip that way… Oh my sweet Afrodita, We need to find a village soon…

Gabrielle felt Xena´s eyes fixated on her and lift her eyes from her scroll and smiled….. Xena coudn´t help smilling back but averted her eyes and focused on cleaning her sword. Little she knew that but doing that she had achieved what she was trying to avoid: getting Gabrielle´s attention. Staring at Xena during those peaceful moments was one of Gabrielle´s secret pleasures.

"Sweet Athena,.. those eyes, those lips…" Her heart begun to beat faster in her chest and her body shuddered thinking what those lips would feel on her lips…. " Be careful Gabrielle, you´re blushing!"…. I know you saw something different in her eyes when she woke you up today, but you have to give her time to identify and accept what you thing,…. Well, what you wish she felt for you. Would she realize how her feelings for Gabrielle have changed? Would she realize that what they felt for each other and the life they share were what every single man and woman in this world dreams about when they fall in love? Peace of mind, understanding, trust, respect to the other one´s private space and… lust? Yes, I know there´s lust; i´ve seen it in her eyes many times during these years together. It lasts just a moment; sometimes I can see it when I get out of the tube in those countless canteen rooms we´ve shared; sometimes when I touch her thigh to get her attention while eating, but above all, while practicing combact technique with Valia during one of our visits to the Amazon Nation; I treasure that vision in particularly: her eyes widen, her breath caught in her chest and, during the briefest of the moments, her body seems to expand towards mine, almost claiming it to her side; her femininity gaining control above the hard warrior, making me aware of the softness of her skin, the sensual body hidden by the armor; a sigh, more than often mine, and there again It´s my Xena, the Xena that looks at me proud and satisfied with her side kick. I can´t stand this situation anymore; I think I´ve been dealing with this for a whole week and I can help thinking about those lips near me again, and how would it be like to feel Xena´s hands all over m….. Oh Sweet Athena! We have to do something about it, but even if Xena felt the same, she´s not tak…. . Does she feel the same? Ifelt something different in the way she hold me in that cave hiding from that cannibals; she was caring and hold me like I were something precious that she treasured…. My Gabrielle, my bard, my Amazon Queen … Why would she called me that way if she didn´t feel more than just love for a friend: Hey… Wait a moment .. Amazons!…. but well, …, It was hard to acknowledge how my feelings had changed; I don´t even know when or what made they change. I begin to doubt if I felt this way quite for a long time and these traumatic events did change me and made me able to see something I couldn´t see before. I´m the one of this team that´s suppose to be in contact with people feelings, the one that can get to people hearts…. Imagine how could it take to make Xena to analyze her feelings and accept something like love could happened to her


End file.
